Connie and Carla

Derivative plotting and simplistic scripting come very close to sinking this fish-out-of-water story. Fortunately, the goodwill of its cast and the colorful production values keep it afloat for the most part. Vardalos and Collette are two atrociously tacky, but good-natured nightclub entertainers who treat the guests of a Chicago airport lounge to their brand of showbiz (which includes warbling show tunes in harmony while changing costumes in mid-song.) When their boss is killed during a drug deal gone bad, the ladies skip town for fear they'll be next and hide out in an L.A. gay bar posing as tacky, but good-natured drag queens! Before they know it, their act has become such a hit that it starts to bring them far more attention than they want while they're in hiding and it all comes to a head on the opening night of their big, new show. The storyline of this movie borrows from such classics and not quite classics as "Some Like it Hot", "Victor/Victoria" and "Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" among others. The plot is thoroughly formulaic and paint-by-numbers. Also, Vardalos is far from an authority on drag culture (or even gay men!) She admits in an interview that she didn't know that drag queens raise their eyebrows by drawing them on over their own natural ones! Her idea of what gay men behave like could only be created by someone who has only seen some of them on the fringes and when they're "on". The contrivance of her love interest (Duchovny) in the film is also pitifully unbelievable. All that said, the film, while very goofy and at times surreal, does manage to spin a few laughs and entertain with it's splashy visuals and captivatingly loopy performances. Vardalos is an expert at comic reaction to the various events in the film. Collette is excellent in her role, conveying a little girl naiveté, but with a growing level of maturity (and singing well, to boot.) They make a nice pair, though Vardalos (as the screenwriter) has given herself the lion's share of the attention, with Collette, at times, disappearing with little or no explanation for her whereabouts. Duchovny gives an understated, but thoughtful performance, though his character almost never makes sense. Gomez scores quiet laughs as the endearingly deadpan bar owner. In a crazy twist, a game Reynolds pops in near the end as herself and joins in the mêlée. There's a preachiness about the screenplay (and awkwardness in its execution), despite the foolishness of the characters. (Duchovny is expected to sit comfortably in a busy restaurant without any reaction whatsoever when his older brother comes in and sits down in partial drag with a horrendous wig and tacky makeup, but with pants and a jacket on. When he flinches slightly, he is treated as if he pointed and giggled!) There is much triteness in the way Vardalos and Duchovny's relationship is depicted. It's also inconceivable that the lead characters could hail from Chicago and have no idea that a bar is a gay bar and that drag queens are really men and that they aren't really singing. If one can get past these and the very many other inanities of the screenplay, the movie can offer a nice dose of brainless, but engaging fun. Facially, Collette is perfect for her role and though Vardalos is much more feminine-looking, there ARE drag queens out there that come awfully close to looking like the real deal. Unfortunately, the film stacks the deck with hulking, manly dogs in drag which makes it a little harder for Vardalos to sell the viewing audience on her conceit. If a couple of performers had been allowed into the movie who actually pull it off, perhaps the reaction to her look wouldn't be quite so overwhelmingly skeptical.

Like a broken bookcase, "Connie and Carla" doesn't work on so many levels. To sum up the dumbed down "Victor/Victoria"-esque plot, Connie (Nia Valdaros, of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding Fame"--dangerously close to becoming a screen version of the one hit wonder) and Carla (Toni Collette--how on earth did she get mixed up in this nightmare?) are two Chicago girls that love performing showtunes in Cabaret, but, witness a mob murder, so go into hiding in LA--resurfacing in a Drag Club Cabaret bar as the hottest drag queens in town. If that summary seemed a little brief, you're welcome. Because, in the play by play you weren't subjected to, this fairy tale tripe couldn't have gotten any worse if cast and crew collectively executed a suicide pact at the end, capturing every moment of death on film. Valdaros and Collette are about as convincing as drag queens as Peter O'Toole would be if he ever decided to tackle the role of a pre-teen ballet dancer. Anyone who has seen drag can attest to the fact that the wit is scathing, the performers are larger than life, and each have a take-no-prisoners attitude while they're on stage. What Valdaros and Collette try to pass off as any of the above is the kind of caliber you'd expect to see at a Fifth Grade Comedy Night, sponsored by your local PTA. To think that as performers, Connie and Carla would pack houses, much less get other queens to want to "learn from them," is down right laughable. While on stage, their jokes have been told twenty years ago by better--and the punch lines are delivered with the same pleasure as passing a kidney stone (if it weren't for the extras yucking it up in the background, god only knows when the punch line was supposed to happen...at least they were paid to react to the so called humor...the rest of us didn't fair so well). Their voices are by no means enviable, and to call the material the film producers would like you to believe is brilliant anything other than the dog doo you're witnessing first hand, is down right insulting to the viewer. In short, if these two were to try out their act at even the lamest of gay cabaret bars, they'd clear the room faster than a bomb threat. The potholed premise aside, Valdaros and Collette don't even remotely resemble their roles--there isn't anything masculine about them. Bare in mind, every drag queen has an Adam's Apple. Lesbians, maybe--but, drag queens? Absolutely not. Even the situational poignancy--like the estranged relationship between one fellow drag queen and his straight brother (played by David Duchovny--who I'm sure is still trying to live this one down) has all the sappy sentiment of the worst After School Special from your childhood. This film couldn't get to our hearts if it used a clever. But, I do want you to rent it. Run out and rent every copy of this film that you possibly can, pile them up in your backyard, dowse them with gasoline, and burn them beyond recognition. It might seem like a pricey endeavor, but, in the long run, it'll be a small price to pay if it lets Hollywood know that you can hand it to us in a seemingly pretty package, but, if it's a pile of pig droppings, it's still going to stink.

Loser retread of the many spinoffs of Some Like it Hot, featuring bozos on the run from even dumber, bumbling crooks. In this case, they've added Victor/Victoria to the mix. Instead of Whoopi as a nun in an earlier Some Like it Hot rip off, we've got Nia and Toni as mock drag queens trying to hide out by starting up a dinner theater revue, doing covers of Camp 101 standards like "Papa, Can You Hear Me." I was hoping I'd at least see Toni do an ABBA cover worthy of her "Muriel's Wedding;" no such luck. While the movie's cutest during the musical numbers, there's really not much to them, and it doesn't help the movie recover from the overall hyperbolic directing style - complete with that awful comedy music they're always playing over every scene in mainstream comedies - because, evidently, otherwise we wouldn't know the movie's funny. The performances too, especially among the supporting cast, are completely flat. David Duchovny is a lifeless corpse. Only Madonna in "Shanghai Surprise" brings less life to a role than he does. Nia brings back the same stereotypes she used in 'Greek Wedding' - to the flamboyant drag queens and the provincial WASPS that persecute them. Anyhow, a few cute moments can't save this mess. And please, no more remakes of Some Like it Hot.

Just when I thought I'd seen the worst film of the year, along comes this little horrible film. Bad enough the premise is stolen from "Some Like It Hot," the script then adds "original" touches that more than just hint of "Victor/Victoria" and "Tootsie" (for the denouement). Heck, the writer couldn't even think of a new place for her heroines to witness the mob hit - it happens in a parking garage! Remakes are unavoidable, I realize - the nature of the Hollywood beast - but, at least, have the courtesy to acknowledge the original writers in the credits! Ms. Vardalos' debut film, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" - despite its labored humor and clichéd characters - had a couple of charming moments. Her sophomore attempt, "Connie and Carla," is a waste of fine talent (Toni Collette) and time. The jokes - and I use that term loosely - fall flat. There's one surprising chuckle in the film, that's it: The Hollywood tour guide's retort to where the girls can sit down and enjoy a dinner and a show. The dialogue is worse than awful and the David Duchovny-Vardalos scenes fail miserably because there's no chemistry between the two actors. That could very well be because they're both trying to outdo the other in giving as wooden a performance as humanly possible. Duchovny runs the gamut of emotions from A to B, and it's an awfully tough choice trying to decide who is worse in this film. And do we really need them to be literally bumping into each other every single time? This is what counts for originality in this film. Very early on in the film, Connie (Vardalos), singing from "Evita," asks, "Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you." Oh, if that were only true. Instead, the film lumbers along for another 80 minutes or so, piling one unfunny moment atop another. All the characters are hackneyed and one-dimensional - from the two leads to the villain. (What the heck is Debbie Reynolds doing in this mess?) A girlfriend character is brought in simply as a throw-away; so she can make one quick nasty comment and make Connie more endearing. Also, a subplot about brothers reuniting is painful to watch because Duchovny's so bad when he tries to be serious. This is an utterly charmless and insipid movie. You're much better off renting "Some Like it Hot." It's cheaper and it's a film you'll want to see over and over again. The sad thing is that there are no doubt some terrific scripts languishing in Hollywood because clunkers like "Connie and Carla" get made. If Ms. Vardalos decides her next original screenplay will be about, say, a rich, reclusive matriarch who dies clutching a snow globe while uttering the mysterious last words, "Rose petal," and an intrepid young reporter tries to find out what those words meant, we can only hope she will make sure to credit Welles (and Mankiewicz) for the idea.

I wasn't expecting Shakespeare, though he wrote the best drag comedies on record. I wasn't even expecting "Some Like it Hot", though I'm sure poor Mr. Wilder is whirling in his grave... Hell, all I wanted were a few easy laughs in the middle of the week. "Carla and Connie" roused not even a smirk-- and I wasn't alone. Let's put it this way; there were cheerier audiences at the Nuremburg Trials. Did somebody say, "well written"? Big "Gilligan's Island" fan, are we? The dialog was so wooden and so stagy that I fear Ms. Vardalos has hung around one too many dinner theaters. Dinner theaters that serve Spam. My deepest fear is that this film will be embraced by the kind of lunatics who feed on crude and outlandish gay stereotypes. And NO, I am not gay-- but I'm flattered you asked!

This is an insulting comedy. It's made by people who have obviously never seen a drag show. It perpetuates stereotypes and even has a character listed as "Extremely Fey Guy." Nia Vardolos, the success of whose last film was a fluke, should be ashamed of herself. David Duchovney looks embarrassed to be in this mess. Debbie Reynolds should know better. Just awful. One of the worst of the year.

This is a cute movie as it lightens your spirit and makes you laugh. An important part of life. The characters are flat and do what is expected but that makes it even more fun to watch. I don't have to figure out any sub plots and it doesn't do any brain drain. After a hard day in the office it was a great movie to get my mind off my problems. The drag queens were great. Their costumes and figures are better than most women. David Duchovny as a romantic lead works for me. Nia Vardalos can go up against Meg Ryan for cute and funny in a movie. She does an excellent hometown type leading lady. The plot has enough of a story line to keep you going without getting bored.

I got to see this movie as sneak preview, let me tell you the movie was 100% hilarious. Well, because this was a last minute decision to go, I ended up going alone. But I met a nice gay guy and a pregnant girl in line, and sat with them... And to the left of me sat an older couple in their late 50's... My point is we were all laughing hysterically through the whole movie. However, even though there was no nudity or fowl language, the adult content is way too much for any child. But if you are an adult with an open mind, this movie is perfect for you... Being a female in my late 20's this movie gave me the need to come out of the closet and be a drag queen... LOL..Enjoy I did....