The Marine

John Triton (John Cena) is a Marine who made a heroic rescue. He's rewarded with a discharge against his will. Back home he is just a security guard and they fire him there too. Rome (Robert Patrick) leads a group of murderous diamond thieves. They have a lot of fun shooting up everything. Robert tries very hard to be funny, but that's beyond him. During a shootout, they steal John's car and take his wife as a hostage. WWE is making action movies, and it delivers exactly what you'd expect. John Cena is likable but has limited acting range. He kicks butt, and lots of things get blown up. Don't worry about story. Don't worry about acting. Don't worry about anything. Just turn your brain off and enjoy the action. It'll be over soon enough. They did get one good Terminator line in for Robert Patrick.

Remember CRITTERS, the 1980s movie about small alien creatures that looked like balls of fur and they rolled all over the place when they attacked unsuspecting earthlings. These critters went through windows and doors, with their big teeth. When I watched THE MARINE and John Cena as the marine in question reminded me of that 1980s movie. First, John Cena has massive set of teeth. Second, we also see him repeatedly jump in and/or out of windows or literally crashing through doors and rolling in a ball formation into houses. That's all we see him do in this really awful action film. This is Cena's first major role and unless they make an official CRITTERS remake, I don't see him doing any more movies. Yep, THE MARINE was that awful. But what memories about CRITTERS though. Thanks John.

This may contain spoilers. I am sad to say that this movie is terrible. I am in John Cena's Chain Gang, and I can't even think of anything positive to say about this movie. The script is terrible, the acting laughable, the action uninspired, awful directing, it's too short. There is no character development of anyone, and this movie is ultimately forgettable. I hope Cena sticks to wrestling and doesn't think that this movie is a success by any means. The action sequences are overly ridiculous, in reality anyone including The Terminator would get wasted by them. The acting consists of many one liners and if you have seen the previews you can probably quote all the major lines from the movie. No characters have any chemistry besides Cena and his wife. Being in the Chain Gang, would make you think I love everything Cena does. Normally this is true, I like his CD, but I don't like this movie. Looney Tunes music plays at one time and accurately describes this movie.

John Cena makes a really good action hero, and I'd like to see more of this guy in pictures (as would the female audience, no doubt.) As a tough Marine just back in the USA from Iraq, when he goes up against the bad guys he gets beaten up enough himself to make the story interesting. Much of the action takes place in the swamps of South Carolina, providing a better battleground than the usual urban street setting. The movie is spoiled somewhat by pyro-tech excess. The past two years are absolutely the worst in terms of quality films, but this one at least doesn't have anybody wearing capes, or guys with over-sized white wings; the usual silly stuff in 2007 junk movies. Also, one can take pleasure in how this movie will annoy cut-and-run Dems, readers of the New York Times, and others invested in our country's military defeat. The Iraq scenes, by the way, last about 2 minutes; but make their point.